Do twins count as one and done?

[nathandavis]

Originally we wanted several kids, but when we started trying we got pregnant with twins. I had a kind of traumatic birth; pregnancy was so hard, they were late, I had an emergency c section, and some pretty severe post partum anxiety to boot. Then our doc told us that it was extremely likely we’d have twins again and if we had more kids I’d probably have to have another c section.

I’ve been giving it so much thought the past few months (twins are 14mo now) and while it breaks my heart that the dream of several kids will die, and I won’t be able to go through a “normal” birth experience, I just don’t think I can do more. I don’t want to chance twins again, or another c section. I love my babies but my GODS are they hard.

I couldn’t figure out where else to post this so hopefully it’s ok that I post it here. Anyone else plan for several and change their minds after their first?

 

[christianboy123]

@nathandavis Two and Through!

 

[hannahmae26]

@christianboy123 Love this for OP!

 

[ncsvoboda7]

@nathandavis To answer your question it’s perfectly okay to be one pregnancy and done. You wanted multiple children you got the two for one special. So in reality you are getting your dream. Just in a different way then you imagined. Take it as a luck and just enjoy raising twins. We are great! (I am also a twin).

 

[samoisus]

@nathandavis So technically speaking, you were forced to have two for one. But overall you weren’t someone who Wanted to be one & done either. You’re considering being done with one pregnancy but have two children. Most here will say you unfortunately don’t fit the OAD philosophy. There is a fairy non active r/twoandthrough as well as probably the better option for you r/shouldihaveanother where various amounts of children are considered, and there you’ll likely get better support/understanding. Hell, even r/beyondthebump will get you tons of support actually & that one has lots of people more!

Edit: for what it’s worth, I completely understand how confounding an experience that must be. You did end up with two, but would have likely enjoyed a separate experience for each. To have it suddenly done when you theoretically went through only one big experience but with two children, is definitely a very stressful and frustrating thing as you may have been much more content having just two, had you been able to have them separately. I’m sorry you’re struggling with this and I’m positive there are others through beyond the bump who also have twins and need support/feel the same.

 

[nathandavis]

@samoisus Thank you

 

[utookmyname]

@nathandavis There's also r/parentsofmultiples with plenty in your situation!

 

[katrina2017]

@nathandavis I’m so sorry you experienced that. I hope you are doing better now. Technically no you are not one and done. You just had a single pregnancy that resulted in two. You would be two and through. There’s many pages for parents with multiples though and I think you could fit into all of them. There may be twin parent pages on Facebook though I’m not certain.

 

[hendrixibanez]

@nathandavis One pregnancy and done, or two-in-one and done? I’ve definitely changed my mind from wanting 3. We may have a second, but we’re going to have a bigger age gap (5-6 years) if we do have another.

 

[nathandavis]

@hendrixibanez Yeah. I originally wanted two year gaps. But now I’m like… I don’t think I can do that.

 

[lccpmoouc]

@nathandavis IMO yes and no. lol! You'd fall under one and done in terms of pregnancy but you will be living a very different experience vs someone with only one kid. ie, you'd need to budget for 2 kids, manage a sibling relationship, split your time between 2 kids etc.

 

[lizmoshes]

@nathandavis For me, being one and done is more than just the pregnancy and about parenting in general which lasts a life time. So, if your case, no, you are not one and done as you have two kids. Think there is a two and done sub though.

 

[benjir]

@nathandavis Regarding your last sentence - yes! I had my daughter in august via traumatic emergency c-section. My husband and I started talking about being one and done based on that, but the more we talk about it, the more it makes sense and we like the idea of only having her and focusing all of our time,energy, and money on her. Originally we wanted 2-3. Now I truly do not see us having any more (despite our daughter truly being the absolute best, most wonderful little baby).

 

[evalove]

@nathandavis To me I consider 'one and done' as pregnancy. I'm not opposed to fostering/adopting when my kiddo is a bit older

 

[nathandavis]

@evalove Yeah I get that! That’s actually what got me thinking about it to the point I posted this, I saw a video about a foster/adopt where a lady took in a newborn and ended up adopting her.

 

[evalove]

@nathandavis I'm for sure stearing clear of fresh babies though lol. I was adopted as an older kid and it really changed the course of my life, I'd like to foster older kiddos in hopes of reunification. But right now my kid is 2.5 and she is a lot for me to handle by myself, so this won't be for a while

 

[katrina2017]

@evalove I have 7 kids but only 1 is biological. 3 were adopted and we are in the process of adopting 2 teens. The other is technically my stepdaughter. I say I am OAD with pregnancy but obviously not OAD overall.

 

[hannahjjesusfreak]

@nathandavis No. You have 2 children. That’s very different from an only child.
Also, twins are very different from siblings years apart. You’re looking for a different place I think and since there are many places that support families with multiples I think you’d get more out of those groups.

 

[jobs_job]

@nathandavis That’s two and done

 

[yasooooo]

@nathandavis Two kids, obv not ONE and done. Yes to one pregnancy, but they have a sibling. Already the family dynamic is very different. You may find a better community elsewhere, maybe even a sub specific to twins?