Children who purposefully make mistakes/ don't want to learn?

S

stryker4

New member
Every week I go to kind of "tutor" my 4 year old cousin, she's learning to write the alphabet and most of the time she's the one excited to study and keeps asking me to help with her homework.
I've noticed a pattern with her, that she just absloutely refuses to listen to what I say and makes mistakes purposefully, it's not a matter that she doesn't understand what im telling her because is a smart girl.

Examples are like: instead of tracing the dotted letter she makes zigzag lines around it, I tell her that "E" has three lines top/middle/bottom she insists on writing it with 6 lines or most of the time when we sit and color together or write letters she isn't looking at the notebook she's staring at whatever.
This behavior seems weird to me considering she's the one that asks me to do homework with her.
I've tried different methods with her, encouraging by promising her to do an activity later, giving her treats, the silent treatment or even bluntly saying to her I know that you're doing this purposefully and that's not good behavior, but nothing works even the treats.
Any insight on why she may be doing this? And how to deal with it?
 
@stryker4 She’s 4; that’s reason enough.

Offering treats and rewards can cause her to associate homework/studying with “work” or “punishment” that she has to get through in order to have something better. I wouldn’t suggest bribing.

Also, don’t try to “catch” her (“I know you know how to do this and you’re purposefully messing it up”). This can be similar to reprimanding/lecturing which is a form of punishment (ineffective for changing behavior). On the same note, do not comment on her behavior being “not good” or “bad.” Children can internalize this, and it can be discouraging. Kids also tend to act how you portray them. If you tell her she isn’t listening or trying, that behavior will likely increase.

Rule of thumb: ignore misbehavior (do not ignore the child, withhold affection, or otherwise become unresponsive—simply overlook misbehavior) and reinforce positive behavior (“You are getting so many letters right!” or “I’m so impressed with how hard you’re working!” or “That one stumped you for a bit, but you kept trying! I love that perseverance!”)

When she does get a letter wrong (even if you know she knows), remain encouraging. “That’s a hard one. Do you want to try again?” or “Sometimes we make mistakes. That’s okay; we can try again later.” or “I’ve noticed this letter is harder for you than the other ones. Don’t worry; we’ll figure it out!”
 
@stryker4 Looks like she is having fun with you learning to write English alphabets. How do to know she is not completing the letter E with the right strokes purposefully? Does that mean she does it correctly when you are not around? How does she do with other alphabets? Need some information to see if this is a case of dysgraphia. Your cousin has hit all the developmental milestones right? And she verbalizes sentences with multiple clauses?
 
@the0prayer Yes she tends to write correctly alone or near her dad, but with me she purposefully wants to write it wrong. I think her writing with other alphabets is as as normal as other kids but she also doesn't try hard enough or has motivation to really practice much to improve handwriting.
And yes she hit the developmental milestones. I doubt it's a learning problem I think it's mostly a misbehaving or asking for attention kind of issue, which is weird because she isn't reacting or changing behavior to either good or bad attention.
 
@stryker4 Oh, so she can actually do it. Then why worry? She may be wanting to rather play with you then repeat tasks she already know how to do. Why not have fun together following her lead? If she prompted a session, there may be something she wants to do her own way and show it to you. If she wants to write something more creative with the alphabet tracer, be curious and see where see is going. Use phrases like, “Looks like you want to do something more than just alphabet tracing! Teach me your way. Hmm.. this doesn’t look like ordinary E. How do you read this? When do you use this?”

(Fyi, I practice play therapy)
 
@the0prayer I understand and respect your advice, I am however sitting with her specifically to "tutor" her. Her mother is illiterate and her dad lives abroad so I am the only figure around to keep up with how she's doing education wise. I will try and take your approach just to see how it goes but I am still concerned at her lack of motivation and purposeful teasing/pretending she doesn't know things.
 
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