rvanengen10
New member
I am looking for advice in general, on right or wrong.
Back in 2019 I had a little boy, whose biological father went to prison, has been on drugs and won’t stop. He’s basically non existent to his biological father.
So, I ended up meeting a man late of 2019, & we started dating in 2020. So, when we met, my son was only a couple months old. He was adamant, he never wanted children; that we ended up aborting 1. Per, feeling that was my only choice. This was 2020.
We split February of 2023, & during those in between years, my Son looked to him as father, called him father, etc, he was Dad. & he loved it. School events, planning his birthday parties, he was with him for 3 of them, & he’s almost 5. Well, we fell pregnant again, & I knew for a fact, he didn’t want it, & I was so prepared to go on to be alone to raise the child. I ended up miscarrying. & we split a few months after that. Because we couldn’t get on the same page about alot of stuff. I requested counseling, etc. as a way to maintain a healthy relationship. That did not happen.
So, fast forward a couple months, June of 2023, EX, meets a new lady, & I’m super happy for him. However, some things came down upon them getting to know each other, that was against any of our beliefs, on how we originally wanted to raise my son. After a hard back and forth, of course. He wins, because at the end of the day, my goal is to keep them 2 together.
However, it turned into, not being able to show for emergencies, because he has plans with her. I would have to cut any type of work loss, & be there for my son. Every time he was sick, I had to stay home from work.
I knew he didn’t want children, & there was 0 obligation to stay, I provided him the out. He didn’t want the out. Instead, it turned into a lot of schedule issues. (I should note, she doesn’t want her own children either)
It was addressed to me, that she didn’t like the fact that we talked often. So, our normal conversation started turning STRICTLY to my son, & about my son only. I think that’s really were we lost the communication we had.
I had allowed my son to continue on, he is almost 5. He did come home 3x and tell me that he absolutely did not like “Dads Gf”, & he came home one time, telling me how great of an experience he had, that he was talking about when he got home!! I reached out, to the GF & commended the experience, & offered in a way, my acceptance. & she still to this day, has not said a single word to me. I think that was November.
Due to the nature of my son, & how she was presenting herself towards me, lying on situations; I requested boundaries. Which were NEVER followed.
For example: me and my s/o had just started dating, & I asked that for the holidays, since the break up was fresh on the boy, & both of our relationships were newer, I suggested the idea, that we don’t force the holidays with our s/o on little man, as he may not adjust well.
Hahahahahaha. Total disregard. To the point that my son came home the day after Christmas MAD. He was so mad, that prior to his next visit pick up, with dad, he was hiding & claiming that his dad hit him.
I then explained that for now, I don’t think his GF should be around our boy, & we figure out what’s going on there.
As soon as he picked him up and left; he calls me, to then let me know that she might be over for dinner.
That was January 2024, & at this time my son has not seen or heard from again.
He did reach out about 2 weeks, to see how he was doing. I provided the update, & unfortunately conversation went a way in hopes that he could be with little dude again.
However during these last few months, he opted to move in with her. So, now I’m like yo, the distance is not going to work, it would be best if you were back at the prior place (his permanent home, & where my son’s bedroom). & when I asked for that, he basically told me that he is NOT having any type of communication or visits with little man, until we see a counselor. So, it’s now been 2 weeks of me trying to get him to see his son, & then another 2 weeks before he may allow it????
Am I wasting my time here?
EDIT TO ADD: Since there are some misinterpretations, & I just want to make things as clear as possible.
Back in 2019 I had a little boy, whose biological father went to prison, has been on drugs and won’t stop. He’s basically non existent to his biological father.
So, I ended up meeting a man late of 2019, & we started dating in 2020. So, when we met, my son was only a couple months old. He was adamant, he never wanted children; that we ended up aborting 1. Per, feeling that was my only choice. This was 2020.
We split February of 2023, & during those in between years, my Son looked to him as father, called him father, etc, he was Dad. & he loved it. School events, planning his birthday parties, he was with him for 3 of them, & he’s almost 5. Well, we fell pregnant again, & I knew for a fact, he didn’t want it, & I was so prepared to go on to be alone to raise the child. I ended up miscarrying. & we split a few months after that. Because we couldn’t get on the same page about alot of stuff. I requested counseling, etc. as a way to maintain a healthy relationship. That did not happen.
So, fast forward a couple months, June of 2023, EX, meets a new lady, & I’m super happy for him. However, some things came down upon them getting to know each other, that was against any of our beliefs, on how we originally wanted to raise my son. After a hard back and forth, of course. He wins, because at the end of the day, my goal is to keep them 2 together.
However, it turned into, not being able to show for emergencies, because he has plans with her. I would have to cut any type of work loss, & be there for my son. Every time he was sick, I had to stay home from work.
I knew he didn’t want children, & there was 0 obligation to stay, I provided him the out. He didn’t want the out. Instead, it turned into a lot of schedule issues. (I should note, she doesn’t want her own children either)
It was addressed to me, that she didn’t like the fact that we talked often. So, our normal conversation started turning STRICTLY to my son, & about my son only. I think that’s really were we lost the communication we had.
I had allowed my son to continue on, he is almost 5. He did come home 3x and tell me that he absolutely did not like “Dads Gf”, & he came home one time, telling me how great of an experience he had, that he was talking about when he got home!! I reached out, to the GF & commended the experience, & offered in a way, my acceptance. & she still to this day, has not said a single word to me. I think that was November.
Due to the nature of my son, & how she was presenting herself towards me, lying on situations; I requested boundaries. Which were NEVER followed.
For example: me and my s/o had just started dating, & I asked that for the holidays, since the break up was fresh on the boy, & both of our relationships were newer, I suggested the idea, that we don’t force the holidays with our s/o on little man, as he may not adjust well.
Hahahahahaha. Total disregard. To the point that my son came home the day after Christmas MAD. He was so mad, that prior to his next visit pick up, with dad, he was hiding & claiming that his dad hit him.
I then explained that for now, I don’t think his GF should be around our boy, & we figure out what’s going on there.
As soon as he picked him up and left; he calls me, to then let me know that she might be over for dinner.
That was January 2024, & at this time my son has not seen or heard from again.
He did reach out about 2 weeks, to see how he was doing. I provided the update, & unfortunately conversation went a way in hopes that he could be with little dude again.
However during these last few months, he opted to move in with her. So, now I’m like yo, the distance is not going to work, it would be best if you were back at the prior place (his permanent home, & where my son’s bedroom). & when I asked for that, he basically told me that he is NOT having any type of communication or visits with little man, until we see a counselor. So, it’s now been 2 weeks of me trying to get him to see his son, & then another 2 weeks before he may allow it????
Am I wasting my time here?
EDIT TO ADD: Since there are some misinterpretations, & I just want to make things as clear as possible.
- She (New Gf)& He never wanted children of their own.
- He was with him for every single holiday, the “Step Dad” just didn’t want to follow a suggestion to help my boy feel comfortable. Which made my son, super not happy and started to make false allegations up about being hit by his step dad. So that is why the ultimate decision of separating the 2 came into play.
- The idea of allowing them see each other, came from the Ex. Which is why we are now in this debacle, but still hasn’t called or seen him, because he wants to wait for a counselor, to tell him what to do.
- I have personally always been, everything is about little dude. How, who, where, why’s and what’s. I will never ever force my child to go somewhere he doesn’t want to be.
