Advice for 3 under 2

[petronela]

X posted from r/2under2. They recommended I might get more advice here.

My son is currently 10 months, will be 18 months by the time I deliver. Just found out today I'm expecting twins. Any advice on how to survive? I currently WFH and SAHP my son and it works fine. We can't afford daycare so I will have to figure out how to do this with 3 of them. Also looking for advice from anyone that's had to upgrade to a bigger car with a horrible credit score. I am just flustered and at a loss. Thanks for any advice.

 

[skyrover]

@petronela My toddler was 21 months when my twins were born. It was extra chaotic because I ended up having to spend the final 7 weeks of pregnancy hospitalized, plus another 3 weeks of NICU for the babies. There was a lot of upheaval and big feelings. For reference, my kids (all boys) are 10, 2.5, and 9.5 months now).

I’m hesitant to even call this advice because goodness knows we made so many mistakes, but for what it’s worth:

1. Try not to make any big changes around the time of the birth. For example, potty training, switching to a different room/bed, etc. We didn’t want him to negatively associate the changes with the babies.
2. We began referring to the babies as “his babies” on the advice of another parent of multiples (this lady has triplets and two sets of twins and has lived to tell about it). This definitely seemed to help. He was proud to be able to help with his babies by fetching pacifiers, diapers, etc. Sometimes when he hears them crying, he’ll run to them yelling “I coming, baby!” He’s still too rough with them sometimes and they get into fights over toys, but it’s been okay for the most part.
3. As much as you possibly can, get in individual time with them. Sometimes all the stars align and I can snuggle him on the couch while both babies nap. Or my husband will take him along to grab some groceries.

Mostly though, we’re just hanging on for dear life and hoping that they all grow up to be friends. Lately the toddler has been going through another absolutely epic tantrum stage, so I don’t exactly feel like a fountain of wisdom right now.

 

[smf97]

@skyrover Oh we started referring to the twins as his babies too! It definitely seemed to help and he loves being helpful with them

 

[hadassahmay]

@petronela I'm 21 weeks with a 14 month old.. I have Mo/Di boys coming at the beginning of April. I have no advice... Just want to let you know you aren't the only one. Sending love and strength, we can both do it... I think lol.

 

[jmb1990]

@petronela Similar boat. Having twin girls in June and my son just turned 15 months a few days ago. He’s high needs with lots of therapy appts and I have no clue how this is gonna work. I’m planning on leaning on my scheduling skills but otherwise winging it?

 

[smf97]

@petronela My oldest had just turned 2 when I had my twins. The biggest lifesaver was getting an au pair, it was much more affordable than daycare for 3 and allowed for much more flexibility in my schedule. If you have enough room, I’d recommend that. Otherwise, if you have family or close friends who can help I’d schedule times that they can help so you can get work done or rest. Not sure about the car but we found we didn’t take all 3 out often so it didn’t matter much in the beginning. There are also little car seats that may fit 3 in smaller cars. The anticipation is worse than actually being in it! Once you’re in the trenches you’ll figure out what works for your family. Good luck!

 

[layiwolah]

@smf97 Can you tell us more about the au pair process and experience? How far in advance did you arrange it? How did you select/get selected? What would you recommend as resources to parents considering the option?

 

[smf97]

@layiwolah We went through culturalcare.com. We started relatively late, like 2 or 3 months before my due date, but it worked out fine. it was like a dating app lol. There are a bunch of profiles of au pairs and you get to know each other over the website until you each select each other. They aren’t allowed to care for babies under 5 months alone, or maybe it was under 3 months, but I was still on maternity leave at that time so it was fine. She took care of our toddler and I had the twins and eventually she took over and had all 3.

 

[marco71]

@petronela My daughter was 22 months when my twin girls were born. We’re 7&1/2 months in! My mom watched my toddler while I worked and then after twins were born she still kept that same schedule and it was so nice that she was able to keep her routine & have that attention while I was able to focus on caring for and bonding with the babies. If you’re able to get some help, do that. Second piece of advice is to get the twins on the same “schedule” if you can. Of course newborns don’t have a schedule, but if you’re feeding one then at least offer to the second/ if you’re changing a diaper then change the second/ if one wakes up and needs to be fed and resettle at night, wake up the second to do it at the same time. If there’s 1 piece of twin gear you really need it’s something to help you feed them at the same time, whether it’s bottles or tandem nursing or both. Lastly is keep your sense of humor high and expectations low. I like to repeat “it’s almost like caring for 2 babies is harder than 1” when I am having a hard time and it makes me laugh. The plus side is that there’s no one on social media making it all look easy, so I feel less guilt if we watch TV and get McDonald’s drive thru some days. My main ‘warning’ is prepare for the overstimulation. Three young kids, all needing something at the same time, all the time.

 

[canuckgirl]

@petronela As a father with a 3 year old and 2, 1 year olds now. I don’t want to scare you, but buckle up. The first year has been insanely hard. My wife and I feel like we live in a daze. She is currently sleeping in 3 year olds room on floor and I just gave my twins bottles at 2 am. It really becomes a mindset thing. Just sorta become a robot.