hannahmarie313
New member
I have 3-year-old twin boys (birthdays in October) and an 8-year-old daughter. Over the past 3 weeks or so, one of my twins (I’ll call him Twin B) started having behavioral problems at preschool. He started hitting, kicking, spitting (well, more like raspberry-ing at you), screaming, and throwing things when he gets angry or frustrated. He will occasionally have a tantrum at home, but I think I’m better able to help him calm down because we don’t have the chaos of a classroom full of other 3-year-olds.
I’ve spoken to his teacher and the childcare center director, both of whom have noticed a change in his behavior recently. I can’t pinpoint what’s causing this. We haven’t had any major life changes. He does seem to be triggered by their 2-hour quiet time every afternoon. He and his brother rarely nap anymore, but they are expected to rest and be quiet during that time. The teacher has no problem with them doing something quietly on their cots like coloring, books, or puzzles, but for some reason lately Twin B gets so upset during that period and forgets that he can ask to do a quiet activity.
He has had a couple incidents that don’t occur during quiet time, like transitioning to a new activity. Obviously, I’m not at the school all day, so I don’t physically see when he’s getting triggered and exactly how they’re handling it, but the director is trying to log the times when he has an incident to help identify a pattern. I’ve been told they try to use redirection and remind him to use his words as well.
Occasionally, when I have some one-on-one time with him at home, I ask him how school is going—what does he like doing, does he like his teachers, etc. He mentioned to me last week that one of his teachers “screams at me really hard.” Twin A also recently mentioned this in passing, separately from his brother, for what it’s worth. As of this week, that teacher no longer works at the school (not sure if she just quit or was let go). I mentioned what both boys told me to the director this week, and she said she would keep an eye out and make sure this isn’t happening.
My husband and I are actively working with both boys at home on naming their emotions and using their words when they get frustrated, angry, scared, sad, etc. We are also trying to praise positive behavior when we see it. When they have a tantrum at home, if they begin hitting or throwing things, we take them to their rooms and let them chill out for a couple minutes. Then we talk about what happened and what they can do to help themselves next time. Twin A seems to be more able to verbalize what he needs before escalating to hitting, but B is struggling. As a side note, Twin B does not have a speech delay or anything like that. It’s like when he gets angry or frustrated, his immediate reaction is to get physical. At all other times, he’s a very happy, silly, outgoing, and loving little boy.
Is all this normal 3-year-old testing his boundaries and still learning to self-regulate? Should we just continue to be consistent with redirection, naming emotions, reminding him to use his words, positive reinforcement, etc.? I’m so worried he’s going to get himself kicked out of preschool because he can’t control himself right now. I’ve told his teacher and the director that we take this very seriously and we’re working hard at home to help the situation. I have anxiety, so this is really taking a toll on me because I cannot quickly fix the problem. Any advice is appreciated!
I’ve spoken to his teacher and the childcare center director, both of whom have noticed a change in his behavior recently. I can’t pinpoint what’s causing this. We haven’t had any major life changes. He does seem to be triggered by their 2-hour quiet time every afternoon. He and his brother rarely nap anymore, but they are expected to rest and be quiet during that time. The teacher has no problem with them doing something quietly on their cots like coloring, books, or puzzles, but for some reason lately Twin B gets so upset during that period and forgets that he can ask to do a quiet activity.
He has had a couple incidents that don’t occur during quiet time, like transitioning to a new activity. Obviously, I’m not at the school all day, so I don’t physically see when he’s getting triggered and exactly how they’re handling it, but the director is trying to log the times when he has an incident to help identify a pattern. I’ve been told they try to use redirection and remind him to use his words as well.
Occasionally, when I have some one-on-one time with him at home, I ask him how school is going—what does he like doing, does he like his teachers, etc. He mentioned to me last week that one of his teachers “screams at me really hard.” Twin A also recently mentioned this in passing, separately from his brother, for what it’s worth. As of this week, that teacher no longer works at the school (not sure if she just quit or was let go). I mentioned what both boys told me to the director this week, and she said she would keep an eye out and make sure this isn’t happening.
My husband and I are actively working with both boys at home on naming their emotions and using their words when they get frustrated, angry, scared, sad, etc. We are also trying to praise positive behavior when we see it. When they have a tantrum at home, if they begin hitting or throwing things, we take them to their rooms and let them chill out for a couple minutes. Then we talk about what happened and what they can do to help themselves next time. Twin A seems to be more able to verbalize what he needs before escalating to hitting, but B is struggling. As a side note, Twin B does not have a speech delay or anything like that. It’s like when he gets angry or frustrated, his immediate reaction is to get physical. At all other times, he’s a very happy, silly, outgoing, and loving little boy.
Is all this normal 3-year-old testing his boundaries and still learning to self-regulate? Should we just continue to be consistent with redirection, naming emotions, reminding him to use his words, positive reinforcement, etc.? I’m so worried he’s going to get himself kicked out of preschool because he can’t control himself right now. I’ve told his teacher and the director that we take this very seriously and we’re working hard at home to help the situation. I have anxiety, so this is really taking a toll on me because I cannot quickly fix the problem. Any advice is appreciated!