3.5 Year Old Twin Behavior

[kwoodlay]

How do you all handle your kids constantly arguing with you and or telling you that you are wrong? My wife and I like to think we are pretty good, engaged parents. My wife stays home. Our kids are very polite and listen well in public. At home, it’s constant arguing and defiance. Also, our punishments don’t seem to be very effective. We take away special blankets, put them in timeouts, take away stuffed animals. I just don’t feel like we are getting solid results. Maybe it’s just amplified by the fact that they are twins (one boy and one girl) but I just don’t want this to continue as they get older. Also, they hit and bite each other at least once a day, which is extra frustrating. They both are great talkers with an excellent vocabulary so expressing themselves verbally isn’t an issue.

Thanks!

 

[flame110]

@kwoodlay If punishment isn't effective, try reinforcement!

Check out token economies

You can make them a family-wide game based on good behavior, chores, whatever!

It can help teach and motivate your kids to do good, and earn good (like in the adult world where we do "good" work and you earn a paycheck). Rather than teaching them to do good just to avoid bad

 

[kwoodlay]

@flame110 We had tried that previously when potty training. The results were good I suppose. The only thing is then we started falsely seeking the rewards. Maybe we need to revisit this and modify the way we do it. Good idea!

 

[flame110]

@kwoodlay Yes, making sure that they can't access the rewards unless they've earned them is very important!

I work with kids, and I usually tell parents to get a cheap tool box with a small combination lock (3-number kind, not the spin dial kind). Dress the toolbox up like a treasure chest with the kids, having them help paint or put on stickers, etc.

That way, parents can put in the rewards. If it's something that can't fit, or is just impractical to lock away, then make a coupon for it that can go in the box.

Also, whatever you use as tokens is something you have to make sure you always have control of! If you use points, always use a specific pen that is kept high out of reach. If you use stickers, all stickers need your initials under them. Etc.

 

[rjthomas]

@flame110 Non-Mobile link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Token_economy

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[flame110]

@rjthomas Good bot

 

[myriamdo78]

@flame110 Thank you, bird0026, for voting on HelperBot_.

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[douglas28]

@kwoodlay I highly recommend you post this in r/parentsofmultiples

There is lots of discussion on twin behavior and good ways to handle.

 

[kwoodlay]

@douglas28 Thanks!

 

[honkytonkangel]

@kwoodlay One thing that works for me and my wife is 1:1 time with the kiddo. Every few nights we invite him to stay up past his bedtime and watch a movie with us in our bed. Telling him we are taking that away really makes him change his time quickly when he is being defiant.

 

[kwoodlay]

@honkytonkangel Ooo that’s a good idea. I like it.

 

[t4s2j5v4d1]

@kwoodlay My Boy/Girl twins are 2 1/2 and I'm still dealing with the same issues. They torment each other and mainly must 5 year old. I'll leave the room for 3 seconds and they are throwing heavy toys at him and beating him or each other up.

I cant wait until they get out of this stage. I promise its nothing you guys are doing wrong. They just go off each other and its just what they do....

 

[kwoodlay]

@t4s2j5v4d1 It’s funny, my wife and I have talked a lot about how when they are together they are much more poorly behaved in when we have them separately one on one good to know that we aren’t the only ones

 

[t4s2j5v4d1]

@kwoodlay You guy's are not alone at all!! I have been on here and a million groups on Facebook and coming here or finding a good Facebook group has really saved me mentally lol. I can always bitch or ask for advice and feel much better. I suggest you wife doing the same as you if she is able to get a few seconds alone without children climbing all over her lol.

 

[formeratheist]

@kwoodlay Maybe have them meditate instead of time out?

 

[kwoodlay]

@formeratheist How would you do that?

 

[echolipse]

@kwoodlay You should be able to find a short (3-5 minute) guided meditation that's made specifically for kids. I'm not sure how effective it would be at this age, but it's worth a shot.