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@sidewalkchalk No 12 year old is old enough to dictate the terms of their living arrangements. You're her parent - set and enforce rules, gently but consistently. One of those rules is how much time she spends with each of you.

@megan1969 You've created the problem with your lack of follow through. Fix that and you'll fix the problem Only, now instead of your problem being a 5 year old tantrum, you have to deal with a 15 year olds tantrum, and those can be much more destructive.

@kentonio Have you considered therapy? She may not have the mental tools needed to handle the increasingly intense emotions that teenagerhood brings. Also a therapist may be able to help spot any mood regulation disorder that might be at play. At home, maybe a gentle reminder that you're...