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@3007 4 is worse than 3 for me. I can see why they call it the “f-you fours”. He feels entitled apparently to boss us around and throws a fit when he doesn’t get his way. We try not to do everything he wants all the time to make it worse…

@mynameishephzibah Hear hear, f’em! Fri night my 4yo woke up with a temp of 103- urgent care the next day says strep for the 3rd time in a year. Praying I don’t get it. I just got a cold from holiday travel to family.

@nmaddog46 I wish this simple test worked for us. But since first pregnancy was a stillborn boy, someone will always be missing from our family. No matter how many more we have.

@dvz Yeah. I’m afraid I’ve been biased by so long in the OAD sub. My son is 3. I had horrible postpartum everything haha and what got me through the first couple years was saying “never again”. But now he’s a fairly reasonable human and I’m starting to think suffering for a couple years is worth...

@dvz I feel you. We’re both compromised. I have diseased kidneys (my mom who I got it from needed a transplant at 53 but she’s still doing ok 10 years later). My husband had bad heart defects and has had heart surgery basically every decade of his life; he has an artificial conduit and valve. So...

@amm87 I just wanted to say, please get him help sooner rather than later. My younger sister had crippling anxiety… I don’t want to scare you but she almost didn’t graduate from high school because she was refusing to go to school, didn’t like to talk to her teachers for help bc of anxiety etc…...

@gpanda Same! I had the worst PPD/A/P and spent so long saying never again. Now he’s 3 and I finally know what I was working towards 🥰 He says I love you every day and it’s great. I am a bit tempted to have another but still worry it will kill me and I won’t be able to be there for 3yo. Husband...

@daman777 Are you me? Lol. Slightly different boat bc my son is almost 4. Postpartum was so horrible I couldn’t contemplate it until he was over 3. I’m trying for a second but if I truly stop to try to remember the sleep deprivation and stress I’m terrified I’m going to wreck our lives. But...

@j90 To me, there’s more likely to be bad things happening if I had another kid- ie the statistics of me dying due to childbirth (plus I had pre ecclampsia making it more likely to happen again), or having a severely disabled second child that ruined all our lives (no offense meant to anyone...

@snpdoll11 Thanks for your very funny post. I relate since having a kid caused marriage strain and it’s husband who wants another. I wish I had your confidence and resolve though. I’m still on the fence a little. Anyway so I had super high blood pressure after having my son- I forget what but...

@neopoko “You shouldn’t have to be a martyr if you don’t want to be” Thank you for this! My husband doesn’t seem to get this. He seems to think our job is to constantly work hard to strive to better ourselves and our lives, until we die. He rails against fellow millennials who are child free...

@trinityeze No, it’s not social pressure- he’s always wanted more than one kid. He is very empathetic and is/was good at comforting/soothing babies and kids. However I have always been the one primarily responsible for caring for kiddo somehow. Like, I feed toddler, then I clean up after toddler...

@trinityeze Thanks. He didn’t say it quite so bluntly… but when I realized I was on the spectrum and more noise and chaos might overwhelm me for that reason, he replied basically that it isn’t an excuse and you figure out ways to cope. He’s on the spectrum too but instead of shutting down when...

@johnbiggs The “why sign up for life on hard mode” really resonates with me. However when I bring this up to husband he accuses me of being lazy. So I feel like there’s something wrong with me for not wanting to suffer for 3 years in order to bring long term happiness and love into our family.

@stuart1717 Thank you for the detailed reply. Your “my life doesn’t have much joy” hits hard. Because my life is pretty good now. It’s not too hard. And I don’t want to eff that up. But DH 100% wants another. And part of me wonders what I might be missing. Like a daughter.

@stuart1717 I had severe ppd/ppa also with my now 3yo (and hated the sleep deprivation- he didn’t sleep through the night consistently until like 1.5) when he was 2.5-3 I finally got off Zoloft. Husband wants another and I’m on the fence. I love my sweet boy so much now and I don’t want to do...

@lostparent Yeah, it’s the worst paradox. I look at sweet baby videos of my son or see an adorable toddler and I want another one of those right now. Then I remind myself that I was so depressed back then (and felt trapped) that I literally made a post about hating my life most of the time...

(Edit- sorry for the accidental spam. Didn’t mean to post this 4x. Phone said error so thought it didn’t go through) He’s started to have challenging behavior frequently, like arguing with us about everything… he even exploded “I h*te you!” after being mad that he tripped the other day. It’s...

@clare5890 Yeah, I can completely empathize with being the anxious type who tends to ruminate on decisions! I actually convinced myself to try for 4 months this summer/fall until I realized my period was coming early and ended up getting diagnosed with a thyroid condition called Graves’...

@clare5890 You’re like exactly me. I’m on the fence, some awful trauma. Husband definitely wants another. Pretty comparable situation. The only advice I can try to give is try as hard as you can to visualize getting a positive pregnancy test. What is your gut reaction- excitement, or dread?