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@daughteroftheonetruegod While I can't say whether you'd be successful, I can say that direct communication will be an important part of parenting together, so I encourage it. Don't go through the midwife, talk to your husband. However, maybe the way to start this conversation with him is to...

@daughteroftheonetruegod There are a variety of things he could be expected to feel as an expecting partner. None of these things give him an excuse to treat you poorly or dismiss your feelings. Something that can help him is having someone else, not you, who he can talk to so he can feel seen...

@richardj Yes, and depending on how able the kid is to understand this nuance, maybe you could add "only the people in that group get to decide how and when it is used"