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@melissauk Got an IUD. He's getting a vasectomy and while I know those are reversible (hence my comment about a redo family) I'm definitely waiting until after the operation to make any moves.

@savedbygrace_777 Dang. You're right. This is a good kick to the seat of my pants. Thanks.

@michaelo You're right of course (otherwise we wouldn't've gotten married). He is honestly my best friend. He makes me laugh and keeps me curious. Honestly there's a part of me that wonders if we wouldn't get along better as divorced co-parents than how we are right now.

@sweetsocalbutterfly2019 Oh I think I misunderstood your post. I see what you're saying now, yeah, agree. I was dumb not to push back on 50/50. They're an interesting bunch. BIL (the one who wouldn't get a prenup, because loooooove) was willing to fund his wife/then fiancee's expensive tastes...

@sweetsocalbutterfly2019 One of his siblings was getting married without a prenup. Dad/FIL quickly lawyered up and set the trust funds up so they would be divorce proof i.e. excluded from the split, so that none of the kids would ever need a prenup. As far as splitting up finances on a daily...

@sweetsocalbutterfly2019 I feel like my post is an illustration of the downsides, welp

@cherishedteddies Thanks, I'd like to dig in deeper. What are the green vs red flags in that conversation? I have no point of reference because my parents both worked and the grandparents I grew up with also both worked. The internal workings of functional, good relationships where one partner...

@sheogorath87 I'm kicking myself for letting this go on for almost a decade. I make almost 2x what he does but his wealth is 6x mine.

@savedbygrace_777 Yeah tired brain didn't think about putting the long-term stuff in. Just the immediate triggers. It's never about the Iranian yogurt.

@savedbygrace_777 Yes, yes, and not quite. More of the "gets angrier at the suggestion they might be doing something racist than the fact they might be doing something racist," the constant microaggressions and "othering." He used to get angry when I spoke in my mother tongue because I was...

@savedbygrace_777 To be fair, it's not just about the housework. You can replace "clean up after yourself" with other things that were/are important to me (safe sleep, nutrition, cultural heritage, protecting our children from racism) and I would get the same thing of rejection, defensiveness...

@might Hah! Yeah. I canceled all my contributions to our joint account. I was even contributing when I was laid off. Wtf was I thinking.

@michaelo He's extremely resistant to paying for help (it took me FOREVER to convince him to hire regular cleaners) but I could try. He'd make me split it 50/50 with him but I suppose that's better than making me split my assets 50/50 with him (since his assets are secure). Or maybe this is the...

@veilmenacex Hey fellow tech survivor! I freelanced as a fractional chief scientist between my last job and this one. I'm open to doing it again but have to admit I got lucky with stumbling on that one... I have no clue how to actually get freelance roles. Any tips would be appreciated!

@jusbnme6 Lol, appreciate the pun! But also I like these tips on the mind shift reframe. So gathering suggestions across comments, it sounds like I should Find a financial advisor and figure out how much $ I need (including for the ideas you've mentioned above) Shop for a lawyer Couple's...

@kywy I work in tech, am fairly senior, and am extremely specialized. Many of my peers with similar backgrounds have needed at least a year to find jobs, and they don't even have kids. However, staying at my job is untenable. When I told my manager I was pregnant, her response was she had...

@kywy Sidebar, I wanted to thank you for making this comment and I'm so glad it's the top rated one. Appreciate it and taking it to heart. We don't want to be that woman who dropped out of the workforce, hitched her wagon to a horrible man, and had nothing left after he dumped her...

Partly venting, partly interested to hear other people's perspectives. The relationships dynamic has been "tElL mE wHaT yOu nEed fRoM mE." Except when I do, he ignores me or throws a hissy fit, so my options are to give up or let the anger build up until I explode and it's back to "well I'm so...