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@duke845 If I make innumerable sacrifices to pump at work, to pay astronomical childcare costs, to be present in my kids’ lives, to make the effort to celebrate every milestone and take the time to make memories with my little kids, it will all be worth it when they are older - right? Yes. No...

@erin81 While my anecdotal data point is admittedly not be generalizable, it is not speculative. For at least, one family - mine - it was perfectly OK for the parents to travel and no damage was done. Which raises the possibility that there are other parents who can travel without damaging...

@erin81 You’re making a sweeping generalization based on your small anecdotal sample, and your personal beliefs. My parents both had PhDs, they traveled a ton for work, and raised successful children (who adore their parents.) They were fulfilled adults with full lives who didn’t expect tons of...

@andujartyler I think you’re being downvoted because this is a sub full of people who are devoted to some idea that an equal split of responsibility is what is fair. There is very little discussion of the reality of what is right - what is right for a family as a whole, may not be equal for each...

@goldensleather He’s depressed. Help him get help for that, and he sounds like someone who can figure out the rest on his own. Here’s the built-in ultimatum hanging over your marriage, to the extent there is one - if you don’t (at least temporarily) put him first, and do everything possible...

@ayberk22 Putting your marriage first requires sacrifice. You’re insisting on some notion of fairness.

@goldensleather 1) Ultimatums hurt marriages. 2) Reddit is notorious for knee-jerk advice to get a divorce. 3) This sub is notorious for framing marriage as a chore-splitting transaction. With all that said - put your marriage first, and be the best person you can be to the human you...

@jamesmason10 Compromise is meeting someone in the middle on wants and preferences. Attempting to change who someone fundamentally is, isn’t compromise.

@jamesmason10 You may believe that you’re entitled to emotional intimacy but a lot of people - especially guys - are not wired for it, and didn’t grow up being comfortable with emotional intimacy. If one wants emotional intimacy with their partner, and he’s not naturally wired that way, then...

@jamesmason10 What empathy has he failed to show, exactly? OP wants someone “who dotes on her, asks her about her day, talks through tough stuff.” That has nothing to do with empathy, she’s asking for emotional intimacy. She wants a BFF modeled on relationships with other women, or on what she...

@cristy I appreciate that you’re about personal growth, OP. Growth requires going outside one’s comfort zone and unsurprisingly, it’s not a universal goal. It’s possible that your husband does not care two hoots about growth. He’s not unique, that’s true of most people, and that’s why they stay...

@cristy FWIW I’ve been married nearly 30 years, both of us had C-level jobs, and we have a profoundly disabled child. My whole life has gone against the grain, as it were, so I’ve learned to pay attention to what’s real and what paths lead to happiness. OP, you’re a truth seeker. You’ll find...

@cristy Being “emotionally reserved” and expressing affection through acts of service is a personality type - not a failing to be fixed. Your husband seems to be falling short of some arbitrary standard that you have in your mind, and you seem to be having trouble accepting him for who he is...