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@gottmaninst WHAT? Like.. I can’t spend that much on a family vacation. That’s like our total Christmas budget including extended family gifts. I don’t think my parents ever dished out $1,500 on one kid discretionary expense ever. They don’t have swimming tournaments locally or within a day’s...

@gottmaninst The scheduling is the main thing that got to me, but the money is no joke! $750 initial fee, $200 between pics, required backpack, jersey, and specific socks. $600 in hotels. Plus gas to drive 500 miles round trip and a day off of work (game started at 10:30 am on a Friday- we...

@unclemendy The lack of extended family/free help makes a massive difference! I notice a lot of families switching off parents taking them, grandparents taking them, even aunts or family friends. I feel your pain there. Our family is all 300-2,000 miles away. Every time his mom flew in to visit...

@efani That’s great! My youngest sibling is still in high school and just started driving. It’s like my parent’s whole world opened up 😂 they’ve been shuttling kids around for 28 years. They thought middle/high school would be easier, but the younger ones got super involved and got jobs. I swear...

@efani I love this. You’re really insightful and I love that you turned this into a positive life lesson. I appreciate that you brought up work schedules too, because that’s definitely a factor over here. I don’t have a long commute, but my hours aren’t flexible whatsoever. No WFH or coming in...

@yoshs I can definitely see the social club for parents. The parents on the teams have been VERY nice. But they’re noticeably more yuppie than the rec/winter kickstart parents. A lot of gossiping through the entire game or playing on phones then snapping a pic for Facebook. I notice nicer cars...

@pijow Thank you for your perspective! This is absolutely what I’m aiming for. Not squashing the passion or any chance of being competitive. Just taking a step back until it makes more sense for our family.

@katrina2017 This is totally my vibe. I knew you get competitive teams existed. But I naively thought at the younger level it was like honors English class. Similar level of commitment- more advance instruction. Oh no. I’m from a big family and I think that’s a big reason that seems foreign to...

@r123 Kid definitely wanted it. He is soccer obsessed. 2 years of rec, 2 years of winter indoor practice, wants to practice outside year round in WI. Organizes games at recess daily. Watches YouTube videos of tricks. That being said I think the negative impact of over scheduling is bigger than...

@elite_jedi This answer is really thoughtful and balanced. As far as those ifs go I hope that we can make it happen, but right now the timing isn’t the best. I totally agree with the mental health side. As a whole family unit it’s really rough on us. SO is finishing a union apprenticeship so...

@arrows I like the point of him doing more to accommodate. We’ve tried to reinforce that finding his things is his responsibility (he’s constantly stashing socks/shin guards/jersey god knows where even though I remind him daily that it needs to all be in his bag.) The bigger deal is school...

@jenniferb Omg.. he’s trying to make that call from 5 states away!?!?! That’s horribly disconnected.

@bartgroot96 Wow, great for them! Not only did they pull it off, but they showed you great examples of team work and delegation. Lol.. the first sport I was ever in was 3rd grade softball. My mom was friends with the coach. The coach’s oldest daughter was assistant coach and her other daughter...

@bartgroot96 See I don’t mind one-two days/night per kid. But 4 for just one plus the birthday parties etc. I don’t get how people juggle it all. Do you ever struggle to feed solid meals and keep up with housework with so many evenings booked? Do you remember your parents struggling to keep up...

@katrina2017 Omg. That’s AWFUL. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that. My SO was the one who signed him up for this at my extreme hesitation. He was the one doing ALL of it besides for the weekends because of our work schedules. Of course they flipped now with his new contract and it’s all on...

@marlow7 It’s not just what he says he prefers. It’s more about our ability to reasonably accommodate that. Rec- no problem. We can do 2 nights/week. Traveling- so much time away from home. Dinner/homework/bedtime all become challenges. And keeping up with the house, family time overall suffers...

@sabrinawellard Enough people commented about the gifts, I just want to touch on the tik tok/Facebook coparents. I’m a step and came from 2 very blended families since I’m the oldest and both parents remarried. I stay here for perspective and because there’s a lot more actually “how to make this...

@steve337 I love this. The nice thing about having home hobbies is that they’re easier for kids to bring to adulthood. I was shocked and bursting with pride when sporty 8 YO discovered his shared love of gardening. Like happy tears. One day he was bored and I told him he could try and help me...

@lukechester I will absolutely read this! Thanks so much for the suggestion. I’m personally a big goal/list/routine person. I like the idea of having ahead of time discussions about the family’s priorities. Especially when the kids are at an age where they can understand trade offs.

@tuhermano I am SO here for this. Don’t get me wrong, we love our 1:1 time. But 2 years ago when we were having some adjustment periods reading about French parenting inspired me to encourage independent play. One of the best things I ever did. It wasn’t shoving away a needy kid, it was teaching...