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@armorbear1 OP needs to hear it- there is nothing she could have done differently, and despite everything she got the best possible outcome. She needs to reframe her thinking or she’s going to drive herself insane.

@freeway This is so true. So many factors regarding childbirth are outside of our control, I almost find the term “birth plan” laughable. I am sorry OP had a traumatic time but both she and baby are healthy- this is literally the only outcome to aim and hope for.